Christmas is a time of year that can invite a whole range of emotions. In most families expectations run high in adults and children alike, with the pressure on to provide well thought through gifts, sumptuous food, unrestricted hospitality and to wear that festive smile on your face throughout the whole Christmas period. This can prove to be exhausting.
This exhaustion and the usual stresses of life can invite situations which might normally be fairly easy to navigate to become more difficult and conflictual. I think for most families, including my own, Christmas can be a time for family members to communicate in a more negative way, potentially causing people to fall out over things, that with hindsight, seem extremely trivial. I imagine most families will be trying to cram in so much more throughout the Christmas period, than they would ever dream of attempting to do at any other time of the year. Seeing family they maybe haven’t spoken to for a while, cooking food for large numbers and generally trying to meet everyone’s expectations. No wonder stress levels run high!
The festive season is also a sentimental time, a time to remember much missed family members, who, for whatever reason may not be there to celebrate Christmas with the family. If there has been a loss or bereavement in the preceding year, grief is likely to still feel extremely raw with a whole range of emotions being experienced by each individual.
At significant times such as these it is important to remember to show both compassion to others and to also be compassionate towards self and rather than listening to a critical internal dialogue, try and reframe thinking so it identifies positive things including personal strengths and everything that has been achieved throughout the year.
Whether there has been the death of a loved one or a relationship or family breakdown, Christmas is possibly one of the times in the year when individuals may feel the biggest sense of loss. In my professional experience, even if you had ‘fallen out of love’ with a partner and no longer have any loving feelings towards them, there may still be grief about not being in a relationship. It can feel quite lonely for some individuals when they are trying to navigate the trials and tribulations of the Christmas period when they don’t have a partner to at least share some of the tasks with.
Sharing Christmas with someone you have been with for a while can bring a familiarity and security to it, observing long-held family traditions which bring a sense of nostalgia and sentimental thoughts of times gone by. Spending Christmas as a ‘singleton’ can invite a certain loneliness and lack of self-worth, which at this time of year can feel particularly significant.
If it is your first Christmas without a partner, please do make every effort to take care of yourself. It is very easy to get caught up with the festive mayhem, where you are tending to everyone else’s needs to forget your own. Make sure you consider any offers of support and take up those you feel comfortable with. Your Christmas can be what you would like it to be, quiet or busy, to some extent that can be your choice, whilst recognising children might have their own ideas!
If you are finding this time of year really difficult and mood is very low, please do contact any relevant helpline to speak with, so you can at least get some support.
Samaritans 116123
MIND 0300 102 1234
SANEline 0300304 7000
Brethertons provide both legal expertise and emotional support to those in crisis or who are going through family breakdown or another loss of some description. Please do ask if you are in need of a therapeutic intervention. You can contact us at info@brethertons.co.uk.
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